The most kawaii cookies you’ll make this holiday season
"Back the fuck up", you are saying (and you should watch your language),"What, exactly, makes these cookies so damn kawaii? Are we speaking ironically kawaii or what’s going on? Answer me, you hipster."
I assume that’s what you’re saying anyway, because I have lost touch with reality for the most part.
Anyway, I think these particular cookies are pretty darn kawaii because they REEK of HONEY. Seriously. Your entire block will smell like an apiary, without the horrible droning and the whole issue with stings and allergies. …..and Honey is pretty darn kawaii, in my book.
Seriously though, these cookies are perfect if gingerbread isn’t quite your thing. It’s NEARLY gingerbread…. it’s like gingerbread’s little sister, who one day hopes to grow up to be a spicy minx like it’s older brother (…what?). It’s got hints of the spice, and a touch of molasses, but the star of the show is definitely honey. And they’re pretty darn easy to put together, as far as cut-out cookies go. Listen up.
- In a large-ish bowl, sift together 3 cups of flour, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, 2 teaspoons ground ginger, 2 teaspoons cinnamon, 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg, and half a teaspoon of salt and go crazy and crack some fresh black pepper in there. Seriously, sift. Don’t just dump all this shit into a bowl and stir it a couple of times with a spoon. I don’t have a fancy ass flour sifter like my gramma, so I suck it up and sift everything through a mesh strainer. The resulting pile will look and feel beautiful. You will want to rest your head in it and take a nap. But don’t, because that’s gross and you’ll make a mess.
- Set your beautiful flour pile aside for now, lazy.
- Have a stick of butter ready at room temperature. It will make your life a lot easier if it’s soft, is all. Using a large bowl and an electric mixer on high speed, beat the butter with 1/2 cup of sugar until it’s fluffy and a lovely pale yellow shade. This’ll take like, a minute or something. JUST BE PATIENT, IT WILL HAPPEN.
- Now crack a large egg in there with the butter and sugar, and beat well for another minute.
- Slow that shit down and add 1/4 cup of unsulfured molasses and 1/2 cup honey. PRO-TIP: Spray your measuring cup with non-stick baking spray stuff and then pour the sticky stuff like molasses or honey into it. That way it will just pour right out again after it’s measured. Use a rubber spatula to get out any remnants because in case no one told you, honey is liquid gold and don’t you dare waste any of it.
- Also add 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract at this point. If I find out you’re using imitation vanilla which is made from TAR, I will come to your house and slap your face.
- Once all that’s combined, SLOWLY add the beautifully fluffy flour mixture in SMALL batches. Take your time with this. If you go crazy and just dump it all in there at once while the mixer is running, your kitchen will be covered with flour and your cookies will be horrible and everyone you live with will be really pissed off at you